Leader
by e-clair 06
Summary: Peter doesn't think that he can really be a leader. The others have different opinions
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in Narnia. That belongs to C. S. Lewis.**

**This should eventually have a number of chapters…we'll see how much I actually end up doing. **

Chapter 1

Peter

_Setting: The night of their escape, after the Fox has taken his leave. _

I wish I could be what they think I am. For some reason they see me as a great leader, but I'm not. I've never been a leader.

These people here want something from me that I'm not able to give to them. They want me to free them, and then to be their king. Me, a king? That's almost funny. Or it would be, if it weren't for the fact that I want it so much.

I've always wanted to be a leader. I've always wanted people to look up to me, to respect me, and to love me. I can't imagine anything greater than having people willing to die for you, people willing to submit to you. To be a king, a true king, would be a dream come true.

And so when Mr. Beaver and the Fox talk about how I'm the king they've been waiting for, and when they treat me like the king and hero I can see this country needs, part of me swells and rises to the challenge. But the rest of me sees how incapable I am, how little I really am. There's nothing I want more than to be king of Narnia. But I know that I'd be a phony. Somehow there's been a terrible mix up and that they can't be talking to me. They're going to be dreadfully disappointed, but I can't help but feel that Aslan made a mistake. He really meant to get somebody else.

I don't know what makes people praise my leadership. It only hurts me more. I'd give anything to have the things they say about me be true, and their comments only remind me of how far away that dream is. I guess they can't help it. They don't see what's inside my heart. They don't see who I really am, how inadequate I really am.

I've never felt like a leader. I can try really hard, and tell myself over and over that I can be one, but it has never made a difference. I can do the job that a leader does, and take the position of authority, but I guess I just don't have any confidence in myself. I see the leaders throughout history, and the people leading right now, and it seems to come so easily to them. It seems to me that there is something innate about leadership, something that you are just born with. I don't think I got that.

Mum and Dad always put me in positions of authority, and volunteer my leadership in any situation they can, and I'm able to do what is required, but that's just because I don't want to let people down. The last thing I want to do is hurt people or disappoint them, so if somebody asks something of me, I just do the best I can. Then when the job is done, they all praise my great leadership and proclaim great things for my future, but I didn't really do anything. Nothing worth praising anyway. There's nothing special about simply getting to work and giving the job my all.

I wouldn't have trouble seeing myself as a hero. I've never had the chance to do anything heroic, so I don't consider myself to be a hero right now. But if something were to come up, I think I'd be able to both act and feel like a hero. Unfortunately, I may act like a leader sometimes, but I've never felt like a leader.

I suppose I could tell myself that I don't want to hurt these people of Narnia, and do what I've always done with other situations similar to this. But taking the responsibility of a king is quite a bit different from babysitting my siblings or heading up the war efforts on our street. There's so much more at stake here.

I don't know what the right thing to do is. If I felt even the tiniest bit like a leader, I'd step up to the plate here without any hesitation. It would be the fulfillment of my dreams and the dreams of my parents. But there isn't any confidence at all. I'm not a leader at heart. And no matter how hard I try, I can't be the leader that this country needs.

I've already told them. I just want Edmund back. And as much as it hurts to see this chance to lead disappear, I intend to pull out of this mess as soon as Edmund is safe. That's really the best thing I can do.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

**Mr. Beaver**

_(Setting: This is immediately following the departure of Father Christmas)_

There's something in that boy. Something in his eyes. Something in the way he carries himself, in the way he talks. He was born to be great. He was born to be a king.

When I first saw him, I wasn't sure. But I didn't doubt the prophecy. Two Sons of Adam, two Daughters of Eve. And since there hadn't exactly been any other humans for as long as anyone could remember, I assumed that these children were the ones that were to save our country.

But they didn't seem capable. They weren't here to have tea with the Witch. And I could see her poison in the younger boy's eyes as soon as I looked at him. If these were the children, they would really need to pull it together quickly.

Of course they were scared when they heard what they were destined to do. I would have been. It's not exactly something you do in an afternoon. It is a Witch, after all. And at the time, I couldn't even tell them for sure if Aslan was going to help them.

I missed it at first. All I thought about was his reaction after I had told them everything I could. After they had discovered Edmund was gone. His body language spoke volumes, and his quiet refusal shattered my hopes. I found myself questioning the prophecy I had clung to for so long.

I missed his eyes. Had I seen the look in his eyes, even as he said he could not be the one that I claimed he was, I would not have wrestled with doubts. I've always been able to read so much in the eyes. At least, that's what everyone says. But for some reason I didn't think to really look at the eyes of the boy who is to be my king.

As he took the sword from Father Christmas and pulled it from the sheath I saw the look of a king. It was as if holding the sword had transformed him from a little boy into a young man. And then I saw his eyes. I'm sure what I saw had been there the whole time; it had just been hidden behind his fear and confusion. There was determination, a steady resolve to do whatever was needed and to give whatever was asked, no matter the cost. There was honor and justice as well, and a staunch loyalty.

This man before me is going to be my king. He is going to lead Narnia. And I no longer fear for my country. I am no longer afraid. And only a true king could inspire that feeling.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**Susan**

_(Setting: after the three children have met Aslan)_

They kept saying that he's going to be High King. Even now it is strange to think about since he's always just been my brother. But I think I know now that he can be a king. Perhaps I always knew it, but it wasn't until I saw him with Aslan that it all made sense.

Oh, Peter has always been a great brother and I love him dearly. I know that I can count on him to be my friend and protector. I know that he's a gentleman most of the time and he has always been trustworthy. But at the same time, he can be so irritating. I'd seen him in enough childish moods back home to question his ability to lead a nation. After all, he could hardly keep Edmund in line since coming to Professor Kirke's, and I'd never known him to treat Lucy so coldly. The stress of war and needing to be the strong one was probably pretty hard, but if he couldn't hold up under that responsibility, he surely couldn't take responsibility for a whole nation.

Even here, he has had his moments of being absolutely unbearable, mostly when he was interacting with Edmund. They used to be so close. I was jealous sometimes of the bond they had. But then Edmund became so difficult to deal with, and I think Peter simply stopped trying. I remember him saying once, in a moment of frustration perhaps, that it wasn't really his responsibility to make sure Edmund turned out decently. It might have just been that he didn't want to deal with the hurt of being rejected by his little brother.

After we discovered that Edmund had gone to the White Witch, I saw a fear in him that I'd never seen before. Even though I could hardly fathom that Peter was afraid, I simply assumed that the thought of the White Witch was more than he could handle. He was never afraid back home, but there wasn't exactly anything that was in the same category as the White Witch back home. So in a way it made sense.

Then he spoke to Aslan. I heard the regret and the pain and I knew. He wasn't afraid of the White Witch. He wasn't even really afraid for Edmund's safety. I think he sensed, even before Aslan reassured us, that somehow Edmund would be okay.

He was afraid of what his unkindness had done to his brother. He was broken by the role he believed he had played in slowly driving Edmund away from us. And he was terrified of facing Edmund again. I still remember him saying in an almost tearful, resolutely strong voice, "It's my fault really. I was too hard on him."

In his simple, quiet way he took complete responsibility for Edmund's behavior on himself. He admitted his failures as a brother and as a leader before us, before Narnia, and before Aslan. The nobility of what he did, even if it wasn't entirely true, shook me to the core. I'd never seen him like this. Yet somehow, in the moment, it didn't really surprise me. It had been there all the time.

And the thought of Peter on a throne suddenly doesn't seem so foreign.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: I don't know how accurately this reflects Edmund's character as Lewis intended it...insofar as he seems to simply dislike Peter's authority throught the book...but I hope it's not too far from canon. :) **

**And to refresh the disclaimer: I don't own any of this. the world and the characters are C.S. Lewis's, some of the scenes and interpretations are from Walden Media. (and whoever else did the movie) **

**Chapter 4 **

**Edmund**

_(Setting: The morning of the battle)_

I didn't realize until I found myself in the Witch's dungeon how much I'd built myself around Peter's opinion of me. His disapproval stung me more deeply than almost any reprimand and I coveted his praise more than any gift he could have given. He was the one I looked up to, yet I felt I could never merit his approval. So back in England I pulled away because I couldn't bear how badly it hurt to be ignored or scolded. And here, I ended up becoming a rotten traitor. Maybe to get his attention, maybe I because I thought he didn't believe I could be any better. I spent a lot of the time in that cold cell hating Peter for what he'd made me do.

But the longer I tried to hate him, the harder it became. I respected him too much. There had always been something about Peter, something I couldn't define. Yes, he was my big brother, but there was more to it than that, and the idea of not respecting him was difficult to even process. I respected him, so I valued his opinions and trusted his advice. If Peter said or believed something, it was worth considering. So I stopped hating Peter because he had probably been right, and I came to simply despise myself.

Then I was in front of him. And to my surprise, he didn't condemn me and he didn't brush me aside. Little though I expected it, his voice was apologetic and full of regret. Later that day, Susan came to talk to me. She asked me to forgive Peter, and said that Peter blamed himself for all that had happened because of the way he had treated me. That was hard to believe, but it fit with the weariness I'd also noted on Peter's face. I didn't waste any time finding Peter and we soon got everything all straightened out.

Now he stands here in front of me, in front of this army. He's been transformed from Peter Pevensie of Finchley to a knight of Narnia. But I can see that even in his armor he is afraid. Aslan is gone. What hope does this small band of Narnians really have against Her? To be honest, I find myself wondering the same thing.

But I would follow my brother into a hopeless battle if he believed it was the right thing to do. I think that the rest of the army would do the same. I'm not the only one who respects and trusts Peter. They know he's going to be their king, and they've seen him carry himself thus far with honor and loyalty and courage. They see what I've seen all my life. Once he makes the choice to be our leader, Narnia will die for him. Knowing that I have faith in him probably won't mean all that much, but maybe, just maybe, it will help. I have to make him see that even though he did fail me once, I still need him to be the leader I've always believed him to be, the leader I want to follow.

So I look up at him with as much honesty and seriousness as I can muster, and even as he says that he can't lead the army, I know what my response will be.

"Aslan believed you could. And so do I."

And he sets his teeth and leans over the map to plan the attack.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Lucy

(_Setting: the day after the coronation)_

I think one of my favorite things to do is watch Peter. He doesn't know how much I see, and I'm glad, because I think it would make him uncomfortable. Until last night, when Aslan gave him his royal title, I would have only said that I watched him because I think the world of him and want to be like him when I grow up.

Now I realize that I watch him because he is excellent. He is good. I guess I hope that by watching him, I'll learn things about how I'm supposed to act in the world.

I've seen the way he submits to my father's advice and correction. He listens, he apologizes when he is in the wrong, he works hard to change. I've seen the way he's risen to take

I've seen the way he holds the door open for my mother without hesitation. I've seen the way he treats her with respect and helps her even when she doesn't ask.

I know how protective he is of Susan, how he lingers just outside the room when she brings a boy home, how he pulls those boys aside later to make sure they know how he expects them to treat his sister.

And despite what it sometimes seems, I've seen how much he loves Edmund, since I've walked past the boys room in the middle of the night sometimes and he is curled up next to his sleeping younger brother.

I watch him when he studies, when he plays, when he spends time with his friends, when he gets hurt or when he fails. Somehow, even before Narnia, he always seemed to carry himself like a king. I just wouldn't have called it that until now. It's so natural.

And now I've watched him shoulder the weight of a nation under a terrible curse, stand up to an evil witch, grieve at the graves of his fallen soldiers, forgive a brother who betrayed us, and bow his knee to a great Lion. In all of this, he has been magnificent.

I'm so proud to be his cherished little sister.


End file.
